Given the fact that it’s Mother’s Day and I have a mom blog, I feel a bit of pressure to write a Mother’s Day post. Do not get me wrong. I love to write, and I love to write about my sweet boys (hence the mom blog). But, I feel like I am constantly writing about the joys and challenges of being a mom. The tips and tricks, the fun things we do on special days, what we are reading, our favorite products, and sibling dynamics. Lately I’ve also started posting our lockdown learning units or SVL units, as I have affectionately named them (supplement-to-virtual-learning), that we did for 11 weeks during 2020. So, I thought I would go a different way for this post. It is Mother’s Day, so technically, this is my day (well one of them because everyone also gets a birthday) and I can write about whatever I want, right? I think I’d like to start with the mom image. Why is it that all you have to do is add the prefix of ‘mom’ to a word to immediately assign a cool factor of zero? Can we fix that please? Moms are people and the last time I checked, people come in all sorts of shapes and sizes, no two alike and just like the rest of the human race, some are cooler than others. Irrespective of whether that person is a mom or not. I know some pretty awesome moms and I’d be willing to bet, so do you. You probably are one. So, let’s just peel this onion back, shall we? Of course, we’ll be wearing our onion goggles and gloves, or we’ll be crying and smell for the rest of the day. Although as moms, that’s par for the course too.
Mom Jeans
I love my jeans. It’s one of my weaknesses. For some reason, I always want to look for more jeans. Probably because I love mine and I’m like, “what will I do when these fall apart? I know, I’ll buy 2 more pair…” See? So are my jeans mom jeans? Technically, I don’t think they are because the term, ‘mom jeans’ refers to a fit that is typically high waisted, straight legged and a looser or relaxed fit. We also have Tina Fey and Saturday Night Live to thank for the incredibly disturbing description of a particular look that is neither attractive nor flattering. Ah, the 80s. A decade of some great music but less than great fashion and hair. However, I am quite sure it was not just the moms rocking a less than flattering jeans look. Not all trends look good on all body types. It’s just a fact. There are also plenty of styles these days so you can spend hours jean shopping and grab a style that looks good on you, feels good and fits your lifestyle. I went shopping while out of town for work a couple of years ago and found one of my favorite pairs of jeans. They were Lucky brand and they just felt good, and I wear them all the time. I also went to a thrift store in Palo Alto and found a pair that were unique, and I have no idea what brand they are. I just like what I like and that’s that. I am a mom, and these are my jeans.
Mom Haircut
Again, if someone puts the word mom in front of ‘cut,’ it immediately brings to mind a shorter cut that we associate with an older, less hip style. The use of the ‘mom’ prefix needs to be re-branded. I think the overall point was that some cuts are less maintenance and therefore work better with the busy mom lifestyle, but in no way does that mean they are not attractive. Similar to fashion, hair trends come and go. Everyone knows what the Jennifer Aniston 90s hairstyle is, for example. Just like fashion, hair trends cannot be all things to all people either. Everyone’s face shape is different. Some people have larger foreheads and more pronounced jaw lines not to mention hair thickness. Plenty of childless people have horrible haircuts and plenty of moms look absolutely amazing. Some people seem stuck in a certain decade or trend that worked well for them and as the times changed they still walk around like a living, breathing window into earlier decades. Again, these folks are not necessarily all moms and even if they are, I don’t think that becoming a mom automatically sucks out any sense of style. I think it’s a lot like this show segment I saw one time called, “the curse of the lottery.” It talked about all these people who hit the lottery and ended up going broke later. However, when you look at their choices, both before and after the winning ticket, it seems like the curse of the lottery was more like “the law of spots,” as in sometimes a leopard doesn’t change them. Now, I am not saying people can’t change, what I am saying is that in those examples from the show, the individuals who won were irresponsible and tended to make poor choices. Adding a couple million dollars does not all of a sudden make you king of the budget. My point? If you are dressed well and have a great hair style prior to having kids, I am not sure the act of becoming a mom completely changes that. By contrast, if you weren’t really someone who cared much about these things prior to being a mom, don’t blame it on being a mom post-partum. We all remember the scene in Steel Magnolias where Shelby decides to go with her mom to the salon because she’s decided to cut her hair short. She said she felt the need to make things as simple as possible. We change and adapt based on ever-changing lifestyles. Thank goodness for hairstylists is all I have to say. I love sitting down and having them fix everything that has gone rogue. I have bad hair days and have even had bad hair seasons, but I would have to honestly say I can’t blame it on motherhood. So, let’s not label bad cuts with the mom prefix. Oh, and SNL has a skit about that too.
Mom Vehicle
I have an SUV. Some might refer to it as a ‘soccer mom’ vehicle. There are commercials that say things like, ‘this is not your mom’s car,’ like that’s a selling point. Why can’t the car in the picture below be what comes to mind for a mom vehicle. I’ll tell you why. Car seats. Safety. Room for the 17 items you need while traveling with little ones. Actual room for the little ones. I love my SUV. It has plenty of room in the back for both the dogs and the boys and all their stuff. Contrary to popular opinion, I don’t need a minivan or want one. Now, if you love minivans and have one, that’s great! I don’t think it is necessary to have one, and I don’t think the majority of moms have them, and therefore it should not be labeled with the mom prefix. However, when you google mom vehicles, there is a list of vehicles that includes a minivan. The Honda Odyssey to be more specific. There are some beautiful cars out there and most of them, with the exception of the Ferrari below, can accommodate children and their many various accessories quite comfortably. Once again, the least exciting option does not need to be linked with moms.
Mom Voice
Ok, this term could mean a couple of different things. In some ways, I hear my tone change when I speak to the boys at times for various reasons. Teaching them to tie their shoes, answering hard questions, or trying to calmly diffuse a situation. Then, there’s also the voice that lets them know I mean business. Sometimes I use it and sometimes I just say, “look at my face.” To be fair, I understand that this is a thing. The tone changes as needed along with the situation. But couldn’t you also call this your ‘I’ve been on hold for 30 minutes and all you did was transfer me to another person to relay my issue for a third time’ voice? It also sounds a lot like the ‘the doctor did not say anything about starting a new prescription so why did I get one in the mail with no explanation as to why I am starting this medication’ voice. My sister used it one time when it looked like she was not going to be allowed onto a plane. It seemed to do the trick. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. You also have to be a good judge of how much to unleash. Some situations require opening an entire can and others get the desired results by just showing the label.
Now, before you think I’m starting to sound a bit judgy, hang on. Remember, we are peeling this onion back to see where in the world these clichés associated with mom have come from. Having kids changes a lot of things, but it doesn’t have to change everything. I will concede that the SNL skits are funny and we definitely find humor in truth, so there is an element of truth there. That’s how clichés become clichés, after all. However, I still maintain that while these trends are real and unfortunately, we have all come in contact with offenders, I don’t think they are exclusive to moms and therefore I think moms get a bad rap. Becoming a mom means schedules become exhausting, especially in the beginning and your style becomes a rotating few pairs of yoga pants while you’re feeding around the clock and rightfully so. As you stay at home with your little one, you want to be comfortable and be able to easily get down on the floor to play or crawl around pretending to be a lion. You know there’s a good chance you’re going to have food, milk or bodily fluids on you at some point in the day, so you very practically wear a t-shirt. Maybe you get a hair style that is low maintenance because with mom duties, your time in the morning is not what it once was, and you want to have a look that is easy and quick to complete. What’s wrong with a messy bun every once in a while? Nothing.
Mom Style
Everyone has their own sense of style. Each of us has our own way of momming too. Putting those two together gives us our unique mom style. On this Mother’s Day, as the boys are asleep I’m reflecting on some of the things I like most about being a mom. I’m grateful to God for the gift of my two precious sons and here are just a few of the things that make me smile today and every day. The connection I have with my boys. Memories of carrying them for nine months and singing while rocking them to sleep; not caring that my arm had also fallen asleep. The songs and or shows I watch and listen to over and over to see those smiles and giggles. Planning over the top birthday parties. The tiny socks in my laundry, and cute names they have for their favorite stuffed animals. Adorable little pajamas and word pronunciations. How every spider is a black widow or taran-chlee-uh. Halloween costumes and little league. Snuggles and silliness at bath time. And the way they start picking up on the things they hear me say or do. Like when I saw Wood slightly shove Graham (he would say ‘help him’) into his car seat and I turned and looked at him and he said, “what? I get style points for that, right?” The little ways you parent that just become your thing. Like when they give me the wrong answer and I reply with, “OR….” and just wait for them to take a second stab at it. For example, if I hear, “Mom, I want some strawberries.” I reply with, “OR..” This is my subtle way of reminding them that there is a better way to say that. This tactic jogs their memory a bit and on second thought, take two goes a little something like, “Mom, may I please have some strawberries.” Atta boy.
What I think is that the real thing to celebrate is the hands-on mom. Let’s face it, that’s why we wear yoga pants and t-shirts. We want to get dirty. We want to crawl around on the floor and play blocks. We will (along with the babies) have 3-4 wardrobe changes a day. Our hair goes in a bun because we overslept, due to being up very late finishing a shirt for our little one to wear for the 100th day of school celebration. We buy the safe cars because we want to be the ones taking them safely to all the places they need to go. We have many different styles for the many hats we wear and not a single one has to ever be described as not cool or frumpy. It all adds up to being the engaged hands-on moms that our kids celebrated today. I will keep using my mom voice, raising the tone when needed but consistently using it to speak truth to the boys every day. I will use it to pray for them and over them. To tell them how much God loves them, all that he has done for them and teach them scripture.
I think one thing we moms need is our own yoga pose. Balance and strength. Sounds like most moms to me. I took a peak at some of the advanced poses and wow, you have to be so strong to master those. I saw one called the ‘dragonfly pose.’ Basically, you hold yourself up by your arms. Your left leg is under you and going straight out to the right side suspended off the ground. The right leg is bent up and over towards the front right arm. This reminded me of moms. One child running in one direction and the other one hanging on your back, all the while you keep holding everything up in balance. I say we rename this one ‘mom pose.’ If we can’t do that, then we should come up with a new and equally challenging pose and name it accordingly.
I wanted to provide an encouraging (and somewhat humorous) post for all the moms out there today. Keep on doing the beautiful, exhausting, rewarding, and joyful work that comes with being a mom. Buy and wear jeans that fit YOU and make you feel good. Be casual and comfortable as you run at break-neck speeds every day caring for your crew. Embrace your ride and be thankful for safe transportation that allows you to drive those babies to school, baseball practice and dance lessons. You are adapting your style to achieve balance. The mom prefix should not mean unhip or frumpy in any way. I think what it really shows is how committed we are to being hands-on parents.
Embrace your mom style and use your powerful voice to speak truth and love to your little ones. I will worry about getting a Ferrari when we can all fit and the safety rating for crashes is on the same level as my beloved SUV. Remember, we moms, like onions, have many layers. The good news is we smell better.
Finally, let’s get our own yoga pose, already.
A very happy Mother’s Day from mockingbirdmom.com
