Recently, we celebrated Mother’s Day, so I wanted to join so many others in giving a very well-deserved shout out to all the wonderful moms out there. Not too long ago, I scrolled through the news headlines on my phone, and clicked on an article about Blake Lively out with her children in New York. I’m a sucker for articles that showcase certain famous people, but not very many, honestly. I routinely click on articles about Kate Middleton to see what she wore to her latest royal event, for example. Mostly, because it’s fun to look at pictures and read about an ensemble complete with jewelry that I will never encounter first-hand. Anyway, this particular article about Blake Lively was very short and featured her strolling on the streets of Manhattan with her kids. The author used the word, ‘supermom’ as he indicated that she managed all three of her kids by herself on this outing. Now, my thoughts on this are in no way a reflection of Blake Lively or her parenting skills. I do not know her personally, so, of course, I cannot and would not comment on that. However, I do, think it was a bit of a ridiculous comment for the writer to make. One of those comments that shows how completely out of touch some people are. Does managing all her kids by herself on an outing make her a supermom? That sounds like any given Tuesday for most of us, right? We need groceries. Ok, so here we go. Just me, my little ones, car seats, and my grocery list. Do I get extra points for making the list and planning the meals for the week? Oh, and actually cooking and feeding the whole clan? What about trips to the dentist? This could go on and on, but I think you get my point. More and more, I think the title of supermom is earned by the great hands-on moms just getting it done every day. Anyone can show out occasionally for a great party or an impressive sweet 16 birthday present, but it’s not the random occasional wow mom that is truly noteworthy. Rather, the slow and steady mom. We see you. You’ve got weird lunchable snacks in your fridge because your little one saw it in the grocery store and swore, he would eat it. You’re shuttling tiny people to all sorts of dance recitals, sports practices and still managing dinner, baths, and bedtime. You pack the car with a completely unreasonable number of stuffed animals to go on vacation along with just the right amount of riding snacks because you know your kids. It’s ok with you if they want to wear the superhero costume to the grocery store. You don’t make a think of it. They are super so why not declare it to the world? And you’re super too. Your marvel suit is a little worse for the wear, though. Torn and puke stained, but it’s got pockets so you can simultaneously draw your weapon and emergency goldfish if needed. I thought we could talk a little more about your suit in general. I read a couple of articles about the elements of the perfect outfit and wanted to dive into that a little more, with a mom twist.
The Intel
The steps to the perfect outfit started with getting organized and gathering intel. From a fashion perspective, know where you are going and when, and the details about the event. Will you be indoors? Will you do a lot of standing or walking? We are going to tackle this and the other 4 steps to putting together an outfit looking through the mom style lens. As a mom, it is key to gather intel. If you’re a brand-new mom, you’re probably scouring through how- to books on eating, sleeping and all the other firsts you want to master for your babies. As they get a little older you do research on daycares and potential sitters that would rival that of the FBI. You research preschools, teachers, and education practices. Later, you get to know the kids in their friend group as well as the parents. You ask questions, set up play dates, and host birthday parties to get to know the people that spend so much time with your child. This is a key step in having a great mom style. You should ask questions, meet teachers, parents, and research all the options. Being involved is the best way to stay plugged in to what is going on in your child’s world. Admittedly, this is a challenge for me at times as a working mom. I am not always available for some of the opportunities that come up related to school activities, but I keep trying to stay on top of things. Recently, a fellow mom reached out to me to go in together with her for a special event for the teachers at school. I was glad she did, because somehow, I had overlooked it. That brings me to another important point. It really does take a village. No one is perfect and we can’t have it all together all the time. I’m thankful for the sweet families I have gotten to know since my boys have started school. Keep gathering intel.
The Base
Both articles I read mentioned an anchor or base to your outfit. The item you decide you want to wear and now the challenge is what to wear with it? Pieces that make up the foundation of a good wardrobe that you can actually use to coordinate multiple looks. A great blouse that looks equally sheik with the right pants and heels for the office, as well as jeans, the right shoes, and a jacket for a night out. As a mom, I think this goes back to the fundamental values you want to instill in your kids as you raise them. The most important things you want to teach them and make sure they understand as they venture out into the jungle we know is out there. The first thing that comes to mind for me is leaving a legacy of faith. Teaching them who God is, how much He loves them and all that He has done for them. I want them to know they can trust Him and that He is with them, always. As a praying mom, I think praying Colossians 1:9-14 over my boys is a beautiful way to focus on some of the most important things. The passage speaks about continually being filled with wisdom from the Holy Spirit, bearing fruit, enduring, and being joyful in giving thanks. It also reminds us that we have been rescued from darkness by Jesus.
“For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” Colossians 1:9-14.
I also want to teach them to look at everything through the lens of faith. To be kind and gracious to others. Work hard and be young men of integrity and responsibility. I think this will help them not only succeed, but also stand firm amid the certainty of life’s storms. The Bible teaches us if our anchor is Jesus, it will hold. As we move on to the next step in our perfect outfit and add layers, the look will change but the foundation will remain. Another great way, to me, to think about the base is the truth we constantly speak into their lives. While we remind them of all the fundamentals above, we can also constantly give encouragement. Take every opportunity to let them know how much you love them and how special they are. I try to do that with my boys often. I want them to know I am proud of them, and they can come to me and their dad with anything, any time. When life decides to layer them up, I want them to remember all of this and that we are 100% in their corner.
The Layers
For your outfit, once you have your base, you may need to add layers depending on the intel you gathered in step 1. Practically speaking, is a jacket required? If it will be a bit cool in the morning or evening, maybe taking a sweater is a good idea. Maybe you decide to take a risk and layer some fabrics and patterns to add something unique to the look. This can be as simple as preparation and looking ahead or deciding to be bold instead of going with the traditional choice. In parenting, not only do we do that, but we want to prep our kids for it too. We practically look ahead and try to prepare our kids for life’s extremes and downpours. Ideally, when the extremes occur, they will apply what we taught them and will be equipped with what they need. They will have grown into responsible young adults and will know how to plan for that job interview. You will be right there taking them to buy their first job interview outfit too. They will also be surrounded in the important truths you’ve instilled as they head into the interview. No matter what happens, they know you love them, you are proud, and you are in their corner. Parenting is hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying or isn’t doing it right. This step is particularly hard because at some point, you must scale back on layering for them and let them layer for themselves. Maybe they will mess up a few times. (Ok, they most definitely will), but that is a key part of parenting too. The fine line of wanting them to know your safety net is always there, but training them to still be independent. I’m sure many of us have read the fashion updates for the latest runway styles and seen pictures or real-life examples of people who would fall into the ‘worst dressed’ category. Individuals very misguided in their sense of fashion. Now, don’t judge me. I know everyone wants to be supportive of the various ways people can explore self-expression, but let’s be honest, if it were true that anything goes, then we wouldn’t need fashion magazines and designers at all. No one would report on worst dressed at the Oscars and an entire industry would be obsolete. It is not, the last time I checked, and the world still tunes in to find out what Armani, Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, Versace, Marc Jacobs, and others launch each season. If there are fashion ‘dos,’ it stands to reason there are fashion ‘don’ts.’ Again, it’s a fine line. Teaching them to be bold and take risks, but not outside the realm of common sense. For this step we teach them how to prepare and look ahead. We also help encourage them to try new things and to not be afraid to take risks because we’ve taught them how to respond when they win and when they lose.
The Shoes
Where are you going and what will you be doing? Here is where you select the appropriate shoes for the corresponding activity. The shoes you wear to a baseball game will likely not be the same as what you wear to the Christmas cocktail party. I’m sure there are all sorts of traditions that swerve way outside of these fashion lines, but let’s focus on the rules, not the exceptions. One such exception is the traditional attire the students (and fans to some extent) wear to football games at our local university. Students can be seen in suits and ties, dresses, and heels and lots of variations in between. It’s tradition. Moving on. Shoes are a very important part of the outfit. They can even be a statement piece all on their own. There are a lot of experiences that I understand because I have lived through them. Most of us have. There are moments our kids start looking at us funny when we say we were young once too. I know what the first day of school jitters feels like. I know the anxiety of tryouts and how much it stinks to be in a fight with your best friend. Broken hearts and starting a new job. The list goes on and on. There are a lot of important things that come to mind when I think about my mom shoes. First, while I have traveled a certain path, my little ones may or may not follow in my footsteps. That is ok and it should be ok. I would never want to push my children in certain directions because it is what I want, regardless of their interests. I do think it’s important to encourage them to try new things so they can see what they are interested in, and we can help them be prepared for life’s varied terrains. Practically speaking, if they only have flip flops, how will they go hiking? High heels are no good in the snow. In the same way we literally have shoes for every occasion, we know where our kids are headed, and we can do our best to help them be prepared along that journey. Another thing that comes to mind when I think about my shoes are some famous songs, of course. “Lay off of my blue suede shoes,” or “These boots are made for walkin.” One of my favorites is “Walking in My Shoes,” by Depeche Mode. I want to teach my boys to be compassionate and have empathy. You never know the path someone else has walked that has led them to where they are today. We should be grateful for what we have and generously give to others as not everyone is as fortunate.
The Accessories
This is the fun stuff. You’re dressed and the last thing you want to do is add some sparkle. Frost yourself like they said in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, although sadly, it can’t always be with very large diamonds. Jewelry, scarves, belts, handbags, and hats. The final layer of your perfect outfit adds a sprinkle of your personality as well as your mood. Sometimes I am feeling the bigger trendy earrings, and sometimes I go with classic studs. Our day to day is filled with all sorts of loving ways we care for our families. To me, the mom accessories are made up of the little extras. The note in the lunch box. The special treats on Valentine’s Day. The quality time you work in to spend with your kids. Maybe you go stand in line on opening day of a movie they are excited to see. If someone is having a bad day, maybe you decide to treat for ice cream after dinner. Another thing that comes to mind are the traditions you build with your family. Anyone can celebrate Christmas, but a lot of times it’s the things you make a point to do every year that your kids enjoy and look forward to. Sometimes I go overboard. Like the time we got a Christmas tree that would not even fit in our two-story foyer. We laugh about it now. Making memories. The accessories of parenting. How will you accessorize today?
The Perfect Outfit
There you have it. According to the articles I read, you need to gather intel, find your base, add your layers, grab some shoes and finally, add your accessories. Momming can be quite similar. Keep gathering intel. No one has ever regretted doing too much research. Continue reminding your kids how special they are and encourage them, while teaching those foundational things that will help shape their character. Help them build confidence to take risks and know how to plan for stormy weather. Give them the tools they need for the journey ahead; so, no matter how the terrain unfolds, they have the right shoes. Lastly, sprinkle on that mom sparkle with the fun extras and the traditions that will continue to make sweet memories for your family. No one is perfect, but we do like a well put together ensemble, right? Here are my final thoughts. Since we are talking about fashion, I still see animal print everywhere. What does that have to do with parenting? Sometimes my jungle cat needs to come out. Enough said. One of the most iconic pairs of shoes in all of cinema history is the famous pair of ruby slippers. I want my boys to feel like there is no place like home. I want them to be able to count on getting everything they need right here to help prepare them for everything out there.
I’m so grateful as I’m sure many of you are for the mothers and grandmothers that have raised us and helped shape the kind of moms we are today. I am also trying to make my own definition of a supermom and writing this post has helped. Take some time at the end of the day to reflect on what went well and what you’d like to improve. We all have challenging days where we feel like we are getting it all wrong. We’re getting a lot right, too though, and we need to focus on the positive. Sometimes we butt heads with our children because we are stepping in to correct certain behaviors that need to be addressed. It may feel completely crappy in the moment, but the bigger picture is you cared enough to intervene and that means you’re doing something right. Get your playlist ready for the day. Remember, Depeche Mode was right when they sang,
“Try walking in my shoes, you’ll stumble in my footsteps.”
I would also add, do something everyday that makes you smile. Take care of yourself so you can take care of your people. The final step in your perfect outfit. After all, we learned from the Broadway musical, Annie, that you’re not fully dressed without it.
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