Quality Time With My Boys: Being Intentional in 2021

The passage of time seems to be hitting me pretty hard right now. My oldest son had his first sleepover this week and it was a big cue to me that he is growing up. Fast. I already nicknamed him, “Gigantor, (adopted from Night at The Museum,) because it seems like every time I turn around, he’s an inch taller. I think the pants we bought him a couple of months ago are already too short. Where did my 7lb 8-ounce baby boy go? And since when is he old enough for sleepovers? Then, there’s my five-year old who recently told me to ‘take it down a notch, mom.” I am not ready for my babies to grow up. I like them just the way they are. When Facebook re-shares pictures from previous years, it’s like a knife in the gut and I am painfully aware of how quickly the time is flying by. Wood’s second birthday was transportation themed. We made cars for the kids out of Xerox paper boxes because as it turns out, two- year olds fit perfectly inside Xerox paper boxes. We had giant airplane balloons (which he later insisted on taking a bath with), and I made a sign that said, “Time Flies,” in the middle of a display of photos from birth up to two. It was a wonderful afternoon. He got his first little playground. I remember some of my favorite words that he used to not quite pronounce correctly. He would get frustrated if I tried chiming in while he was trying to explain something and would say, “Mommy, you’re erupting me!” I was also often accused of being “ridic-lee-ous,” too which is just way cuter than ridiculous. One of my favorite Graham words is “taranch-lee-a,” and every large spider he sees is labeled as such much to my delight. I don’t correct these babyisms. One day they disappear so I enjoy them as long as I can.

I have no idea how we got to sleepovers so soon. The good news is I have a deal with Wood. He is cool with me coming to college with him. I know, I know. He says that now. Right now, I am still one of his favorite playmates, but I know my time is running out, probably faster than I realize. I have learned some important things about myself over the last few years that have helped me as a mom. I need to make sure I get quality time with my boys or I am just off. I used to travel quite a bit for work and when it was time to come home on Thursdays, I was excited to see them because I’d usually been gone for 4 days. There were many times my first flight was delayed for various reasons which interfered with my connection which meant I wasn’t getting home on time. I got snarky with a flight attendant one time because every minute we were delayed was cutting into my time with my kids. I felt bad about it and eventually just accepted that those things are unfortunately a part of air travel. The point is I, probably like many of you, have learned that I get cranky if my time with my kids is threatened. I need that time and so do they. Balancing work and mom life is a challenge. There is a lot of guilt in that space. I am constantly wondering if I’m doing enough. This just adds stress and anxiety on to an already full emotional plate. Now, it looks like a plate from an all you can eat buffet. You know what I’m talking about. There’s no more room on the plate so people start building upward, stacking food on top of food. While being grounded in the pandemic has been a blessing in that I get to be home more, it still presents challenges. They know that I am home and they want to play. I don’t like saying, “I’m sorry, sweetheart, mommy can’t play right now.” I have learned that what works best for me is being intentional. They come home around 3pm from school and I usually work until 5pm or so. Around that time, I start on dinner which we eat around 6:30. They do better if they are in bed by 8:30 and asleep by 9. By the time we are done with dinner, there is a small window to get in some much-needed quality time. Being intentional helps me focus on what is important. There are an infinite number of things I could do during that time. Laundry, email, cleaning, reading, social media, or watching tv, just to name a few. Just like that, it’s bedtime and another day has gone by. This, in turn, makes me feel guilty and cranky because I have not gotten my much-needed time and don’t really feel like I’ve given them the important attention they need either. It’s so easy to let the days just roll by and that is why, for me, it is helping to find ways to be intentional. It’s a lot like my holiday activities. At the end of the season, I know I did my best to pack in all the fun I could think of and as a result have some great memories. If I apply the same planning effort to my weeks, I won’t have that stressful feeling that time is getting away from me without me making the most of it. As I dive deeper into this post about some ways I want to be intentional with quality time, let me say that this is not a complete list of how I balance all the challenges of being a working mom. This post is one of several that include some of my mom goals for 2021. Since spending meaningful time with the kids can be challenging, I wanted to take a couple of ideas of things we can do and put some structure around that in the hopes that we become more consistent with it. Being a working mom presents many challenges that just seem to keep multiplying much like our Lego collection. Discussing those here on my blog would probably take several posts to cover it all and perhaps I will. I just wanted to clarify that this post is specifically geared toward a couple of things I plan on implementing that will help me get in some meaningful face time with my little ones. That will, in turn, help me keep my sanity.

Unplugged

If you have been reading any of my previous posts, you probably know by now that I love music. I love listening to music and I am amazed at the talent some people have to write and compose brilliant songs that have a way of speaking to us in unique ways. Motivational songs that make me push a little harder in my workout and songs that put a pep in my step while I clean the house. I can dance in the kitchen while making dinner and put on the perfect playlist to help me focus while I work. I also love live performances. I have seen musicians perform sets that are not available anywhere else (except on YouTube because someone did their best to record it). Live music also offers the chance to see collaborations of various artists performing together on stage that you would otherwise not get to experience. I got the chance to see Mumford and Sons perform live in Nashville back in 2012. During the show, they performed, “Wagon Wheel,” with Old Crow Medicine Show and later, the two groups joined Jerry Douglas on stage to sing, “The Boxer.” It was incredible. There are also some amazing unplugged performances out there.

Usually a slower pace, and a more mellow atmosphere, unplugged performances offer just pure, raw talent. A singer or group with their instruments on stage showing you what they can really do with their music. If you have never heard the “Live at Luther College,” album, you should. Anyone who appreciates the guitar will be in awe of Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds on every track. The way I feel when I hear a good unplugged version of a song was the inspiration for my first step toward more quality time. We’re going unplugged. As in, we are putting the devices in time out and engaging with each other for some dedicated family time. I wanted to find a box of some sort for our devices in order to help with being intentional about this goal. I found a couple online, but it is a simple enough concept, so we just made one. It is probably a first draft, but it will do for now. That way, I could be sure it would be perfect for our phones and iPads.  Not necessary of course, but I have noticed that if they are within reach, the kids are tempted to start playing with them even during an attempt at another family activity. It comes down to the fact that they are a distraction. I hope the box will be a very tangible way that will show the boys we are looking to spend some real quality time with them.

Mommy and Me Time

Another thing I would like to be more consistent with is spending time with my boys individually. Sometimes when we are all together, I feel like there is competition for attention and I think it can be frustrating for them. “Mommy, watch!” followed by, “Mom, come upstairs so we can play!” I feel pulled in two directions and I think it is hard on all of us at times. I thought planning some one on one time for each of them would help. I will get to focus on each of my boys and have time to play and interact in a way that is more meaningful. When they are talking over each other competing for attention, I don’t really feel like I have had good quality time with either. Don’t get me wrong, we are all together most of the time and have great fun, but I just thought it would be nice to give each one extra attention where they get my full focus. We started by me taking my little one and doing something on a Saturday afternoon while his big brother had some daddy time. Then the plan is to swap for the next weekend and so on. So far, I am really loving this. We have more interaction, more imaginative play, and they open up and we have some great discussions that would have been challenging with the usual sibling interruptions. Graham mentioned during the week that he would like to build a volcano. I thought that was perfect. Our first project together! We had some bags of sand, so I grabbed a large cookie sheet and we packed the sand (slightly wet) all around a plastic 1 liter bottle gradually going up to form a volcano shape. We poured 10ml of dish soap and 100ml of cold water into the bottle. Then, we added 400ml of vinegar and several drops of food coloring for the desired color of our eruption. In a separate container, we mixed ½ cup of baking soda with ½ cup of water until a slurry formed. When ready, we poured the baking soda mixture into the bottle and watched our volcanic eruption. It was a great success! I would add more food coloring next time. My lava had a pinkish tinge which is totally fine of course but I wanted bright red lava flows. Graham loved it! We called everyone else to enjoy the eruption and I think he was very proud of our project. He said he wants to do it again, so I consider that a win!

Game ON

We love to play games, so we thought another way to squeeze in some quality time was to have a game night. I have some recommendations for you in the picture below. These are our favorites right now. There is a good mix keeping in mind the age range we are working with. The Kid’s Charades is great because it has a deck of cards with pictures on it for the younger players who are not reading yet. I have honestly laughed until I have cried more than once watching my 8 year old act something out. Not only are his gestures hysterical but he starts acting out about 5 steps prior to the actual thing we are supposed to be guessing so by the time we see the whole skit, we are all completely confused. To this day, one of his nicknames is ‘mariachi,’ because he was supposed to be acting out hammering a nail in the wall, but it looked like he was playing maracas in a mariachi band. Silly Street is another cute one for younger kids. Labyrinth and Clue are great games for thinking logically and Exploding Kittens and Throw Throw Burrito are both just good, silly fun. Any deck that includes a taco cat card is awesome. Given our love of Star Wars, the trivia game is strong in our house too. I will say; however, I don’t think they make the Star Wars Trivial Pursuit game anymore because we were only able to find it on eBay. Just FYI. I included links below in case you want to check out any of the others.

Occasionally, I like to come up with something silly we can do and surprise the boys. They have really been into Star Wars for the last year or so and I felt like our massive collection of dinosaurs was getting lonely. I created a scavenger hunt disguised as some notes left by their disgruntled dino toys and had it waiting for them when they came home from school. The dinosaurs were tired of being neglected and really wanted to play. The boys had fun going all over the house and yard finding dinosaurs with clues and at the end they got their toys out and had a great dinosaur battle. Mission accomplished.

I hope you have enjoyed this post about my mom goal of slowing down a bit and being intentional with quality time. The key to me is execution and follow through. I can’t tell you the number of times I have wanted and even tried starting some of these before. Assigning some days and times to these activities will just help keep me accountable to making it happen on a regular basis. Unplugging, playing games and one on one time are certainly not novel ideas. These are things I really enjoy and have come to realize I really need. When things are out of balance, I get cranky (and end up snapping at flight attendants). It is more about being intentional to make time for meaningful interaction. They need it and so do I. I have to say that I have really enjoyed all of these things since we started implementing some of these goals. These, combined with some of my reading goals (see previous post) are definitely enhancing our quality time.

I will leave you with some other ideas for ways you can get creative this upcoming week. I read an article that highlighted some activities and observances broken down into the months, weeks and even days of the year. Below are some upcoming fun days in January:

January 27th-National Chocolate Cake Day

January 29th-National Puzzle Day

January 30th-Draw a Dinosaur Day

January 31st-Inspire Your Heart With Art Day

I hope we all get the chance to do the things we enjoy most with our kids this week. I know the rejuvenating effect that will have and we, in turn, will be better moms because of it.

Thanks for visiting Mockingbirdmom.com. Stay tuned for more 2021 mom goals!